If you are not around

You and I barely reached 10 years old. We played. I remembered that day, somehow the memory was clear and crisps. As usual I followed you everywhere you go. It was one of those boring days, nothing to do, so we decided to do new mischievous behavior

You :”Lets go to the roof and climb those ledges. We can see the clear blue sky in the roof”
Me : “But, we are not allowed too and I’m afraid”

As usual you pulled my hand and said: “You’re my sister and I will protect you. I will try to climb at first and if it is safe , then you follow me.” This promise somehow always comfort me and made me do whatever you told me to… (nice trick by the way bang..)

So we climbed those stairs and reached the electricity room, its the room where all the cables were put unattended and there were gaps in the floor which was consists of wooden logs. We have to passed the electicity room to reached for the roof.
So you, daringly jump from one log to another, until you reach somewhat the middle of the room

You : “Come on, i will hold your hand.”

When i start to step forward, you make a sound, a gasps like you’ve been hurt.
So somehow you stepped on one of the cables and the electricity reaches your leg and disturb your balance in the wooden log. You fell, two stories, into the cold ceramic floor in our house.
The sound was terrifying, a loud “crack” and everybody in the house, including mum, she ran immediately went to the room where you fell. I froze in the top of the stair..looking down at your body and then decided to run down to the room where you fell.
You frozed and your body didnt move at all.The seconds felt heavy, and we were just waiting for you to woke up. Finally, you opened your eyes and smiled.. with that naughty smile, i can never forget  and said: “I was reaching for the roof, how
can i ended up on the floor, is there some kind of doraemon doors?” We all
laughed, relieved because you’re alright.You lost one of your teeth, but you

And this is one of many. One of many attempts from the universe to take you (now that i look back at it).

When you fell from the fence that you climb, you’ve got concussion but you lived.

When you’re around 5 and swim alone in the pool and somehow drawn in the adult pool section, but you survived.

When you were threatened with knives in front of your highschool because you stubbornly didn’t want to give your money, but somehow the teachers saved you, although they cut you in your arms.

When you broke your leg in the karate tests and also when you got bullied in the university admissions.

From my naive point of view: you can be cut, fell, hit, drawn,
broken, but you will live.. you always lived.

You see Bang, i thought you were indestructible, immortal.
We all did, we loved you too much and always thought maybe somehow
you have this divine quality. We always laughed at your ability to cheat death,
if i may say.

Until that day… until that day

You lay motionless. You achieved death.

And if you are not around I felt lost.

-Rei, 2 November 2011-

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1 Response to If you are not around

  1. Andini Andini says:


    maybe if he’s still alive, i’d love him by now. hahaha..

    could be, he’s a kind of man who can deal with you and all your “questioning” things, Rei..

    someone who just said. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Just hold my hand. And stop questioning around.”


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